Dear Tasha,
It seems to me that, it's been ages for me, I haven't talked to you or written anything. Life changed drastically after you left home. Your absence was sinking us. We thought we we never be the same or get back to our lives. It was indeed hard to collect us back from bits and pieces and to rebuild our broken pieces back. Did not you too suffer similarly? I am sure you did. If only you knew to write or contact us. Oh! how I wish you had the means to get back to us. We tried in vain, but dont feel sad, we tried very hard, without doubting even once that is was in vain. But nothing boar fruit. Each time we met with failure. Lost hope and kept loosing, but in people and not you. People of my country, yes my own. How cruel they can be? I think. They treat you as a commodity, a machine to earn a quick buck, never sparing a thought, what you maybe going through or what we are going through as your parents. I know how hard it is, but by now, even you must have settled with your fate. Found new means to bond yourself and new means to amuse you, I am sure. Or maybe I am hoping.
Your love did such amazing things to us. Just one life isn't sufficient for me to gather all those beautiful moments. If only we could hang on for long, but then, God wanted us to realise how strong a bond we had. We would not have ever known, as long as you were with us, but realised the moment we got into the reality of you are no where to be seen. I remember the first time, I broke the news to your baba, he was in the train and so casually he said, where can she go? She must be some where near. And how he called out by your name, walking past all the open spaces around the farm. And how he found your collar in the neighbouring field? We were running out of blood, but didn't want to loose hope. Then we came back to the shack, where you were tied and how he cried, you know. I have never seen him like this. And I am sure, even you haven't seen him like this. If only you knew, our love for you, I am sure, you would have fought back and come to us. Why did you give in so easily? You should be true to your blood and genes. You should have torn them apart and come back. Look at your mom! How strong she is. And she was with you at that time of the hour. Can you imagine, what she might have gone through. For months, she had this guilt feeling, you know. I too would say to her, why couldn't you stop what was happening that night? She too suffered silently within and one day just couldn't take it anymore. She spoke.; broke her silence and cleared her guilt. She did everything possible within her to stop your destiny, but that night was not hers, it was of that monster in the form of human, his greed was far beyond the strength of either of you both. You were just an animal for him, which could be overpowered by his strength, greed and mechanics. Even the strongest of all get defeated here, and you, you both so loving and loyal, how could you have ever known in the first place, such people exists. You both have never encountered any before. Atleast not you. For moma, I know, she never trusts anyone, but if she is tied, she too is helpless. Hopelessly helpless. And that's what she told me. She did everything possible, but she was tied down with this chain, which became a barrier for her and a wall for that monster. A dividing line between you and him. She could not reach you for help and how hope less she was at that moment. This guilt was killing her, she told that evening begging not to blame her for what had happened, she was in no shape to do anything for you. Your moma, but so helpless, I understood, her position, and I was sure, she would not have given in so easily. Any mom wouldn't give in for that matter. How could I blame her. I should not have doubted her ability.My mistake. But I have become so distrustful you see. When I cannot trust my own breed, how can you expect me to trust others? But with nearly 4 years of passing after you have disappeared, I am trying to regain my faith, not in those monsters of crime, but the humans of faith, the innocent animals who are so loyal. The people who are good and loving, but not when they show their vulnerable animal side, they become worst than wild animals then. You cannot trust them during those moments, even for a moment. Your moma, is at peace now, she has overcome her guilt and is very good and loving and loyal to us. So loyal, that last summer when Andrea was here, she didnot even for a moment show any happiness in meeting her. Surprising isn't it? So you know, your moma very well now. She cannot love betrayal, she is so loyal, how can she tolerate any betrayal.
I know, you aren't like her, you just cannot be unloving anytime. By now, even you might have mustered the power of love on your new master, even though he has got you by betraying your trust and our trust. I hope and wish you love him, so you will be given enough Love and confort by him, that, you don't find time to look back and think of us anytime, as I do. I have found love in your moma and Jazzy, but I haven't forgotten my first Love ie you. You surely cannot be replaced. But life has to roll down, so we went along, finding solace and love in place of you but not to replace you. You still hold a very special place in our heart. And remember we haven't stop searching for you.
This December, we found a post on fb, a photo little bit similar to yours and Abolee became hopeful and pushed me in. I went all the way to Cunningham road in search of you, contacted and pleaded all those, who were in charge of that dog, but alas! Our hopes were futile and my work went without a reward. Then again, I told myself, that sure you are been taken good care by this new owner and he loves you, so how will, I find you?
Yours loving mumma,
Vandana
